“Trying”

Iv told this theory to a lot of people,  but for those who haven’t heard it, here it goes….

I believe that the verb “trying’ shouldn’t exist at all.

Have you heard when somebody says : “ I will try not to be late” and they do not end up being there at the right time, but instead later than that? Or have you heard yourself saying to yourself ” I will try not to let myself go, an kiss this guy, this time” but you end up kissing that guy, like every other time u “tried”. Or “I will not think about him”, but he is the whole time on your mind?

Well… im gonna give ya an image now: Think about a ball on a table: , you are on the one side of the table and i’m at the other end of the table.

Before i throw the ball to you, i tell you to catch it.

You catch it…

Before i throw the ball i tell you NOT to catch it.

You don’t catch it….

Before i throw the ball i tell you to TRY and catch it.

You automatically catch it,

or

You dont catch it at all.

What i was expecting you to do was to TRY and catch it that means in this case = act like a fool, move ur arms like u are dancing around, and at the end not really catching it, no matter how easy it was to catch the ball.

Now you may all think: no, when i TRY something, i do end up doing it.

For example when you say to yourself :

” I will TRY to think about something else”

—> your mind receives the part of “thinking about something else”

but when you tell yourself :

” I will TRY to NOT think about it”

—> your mind receives the message of THINKING about it, instead of not doing it.

• • Why do y’all think they all say that when you tell yourself u can’t do it, you wont do it?

Another reason why i am against the verb “to try” is because at the end u end up doing nothing at all, than just TRYING.

Just like the ball example does your mind and the universe work… trying is doing nothing at the end.

Why should we TRY to do something if we can DO it or NOT do it?

Dont TRY to catch the ball, you got the whole power of catching it or not catching it……

So go catch the ball if you are running after him, or just let the ball fall on the floor if you dont want it and stop making excuses…

:)

[Inside]

[something i wrote a long time ago]

It’s everytime the same question in my mind . . but sometimes I fly, I dream, I feel it, I dance. . forget about it. 

And I BELIEVE.

I believe….

I believe…

And always realise, that what I believed and saw as a dream i was living, when I felt like a queen…

looks empty. .

i see the words. I JUST see them. I read them. once, twice. . again and again.

But the book is still empty. Once when the book was full with roses, the words… looked new.

There is silence everywhere around me. I feel emptiness. Ask myself why the words always seem so bright, but than again… they are just words.

I take another book. I look at it. It’s orange, with a heart at the front page. 
I open it. 

the same words again. I feel lost.

I felt it once and i still feel it. But in this moment, lying between books I bought, while I’m looking a the book I once got as a present…

[the feeling is frozen.]


I close my eyes…

And fall asleep.

This goes out to you…

I didn’t mean to hurt you. 

You didn’t mean to hurt me either.

I promised something, even though i knew promises like that could break. 

I apologize for that.

I gave you all, you gave me all. And I won’t talk about if it was enough, because it was.

I wanna Thank You, from the bottom of my heart…

For Everything. For Everything you ever did or said.

Because every little thing taught me something, because every experience with you made me the woman I am now.

And even though I need to stay cold and do this on my own…

You will always be someone special for me. Always. 

So please remember that & let me walk on the path I’ve taken….

[I love you]

Do you know …

how it feels like to have the feeling of seeing further than people of your own age.

how it feels like to be under your bed covers telling your mind to relax and stop thinking too much.

how it feels like to let go and at the same time wanting to make the person who loves you the most smile. 

how it feels like to be under the shower for hours just imagining a fantasy in detail you’ve had for a while .

how it feels like to see a person close to you hurt or suffering, but not helping her, to be able to make that person open her eyes.

how it feels like to wake up in the morning next to someone you love and just watch her sleep.

how it feels like to be the only one in class who got a bad grade.

how it feels like to disappoint someone you care about or disappoint yourself.

how it feels like to let feelings aside and think what is right for you.

how it feels like to be crying under the rain with a smile on your face.

how it feels like hugging someone who transmits so much energy your eyes fill with tears.

how it feels like to listen to your heart.

how it feels like to be human.

how it feels like to be real.

“Better than someone”

I really do not understand the meaning of “better”. 

You have probably heard that typical sentence : ” …You’ll find someone better than him/her.”

Are we really better than somebody else, just because relationships or friendships don’t work?

Just because the chemistry between 2 people didn’t work out, it doesn’t mean that there is someone better than the other one.

Telling someone they are less worth, is disrespectful and not fully understanding and appreciating the meaning of a human.

We all are special in our own way. We all are different. We all got haters & friends. 

But at the end we all are the same.

We aint less worth than anybody else.

Remember that.

Something i really dont like..

is talking to somebody who aint brave enough to tell you what they are really thinking about. 

Just be honest to you and let it out. 

Peeps need to grow up and stop being somebody they aint, or just because they think people are gonna react to the truth. 

Well speak out! Who matters how the other person reacts!

Just choose your words wisely, but what is the point in lying to yourself & others.

Be real! Stop pretending ish. 

Dear you,

I’ve been sitting here, thinking about a way to express myself in this letter..

I never told you how I felt about us.. and well you as an individual…

You know that time I asked you to do me a favor and you answered with a “I’m busy, I can’t”? Or that Time I was in Town just to be able to catch up with you and you called me the last day when I was leaving, just to tell me that you got time? (After making the effort of rescue something we could lose.) Do you remember that moment when I introduced you to somebody I liked and from there on all of our conversations were about that person? Or the time when I felt that you forgot who I was?

Well, all those times I felt disappointed and sad. To be honest, I was hurt and mad at myself. Yes i know I didn’t tell you about that, even though I always talk about my feelings & all i prefer is honesty. And the only thing i chose was to swallow that feeling and forget about it.

But the truth is : I never could really forget that feeling. And even now, when you tell me i’m important to you, all those words slip through my fingers and i have that feeling deep inside of me. Behind all my smiles I feel how a little somebody in my heart is about to cry. The worst is that, I don’t even know why I feel like crying…

I don’t know why I feel so hurt by what you did. Or maybe didn’t, because you didn’t treat me bad….

And sometimes I ask myself if i’m being too sensible and force myself to ignore that little someone inside me. But it doesn’t work…

Because that feeling comes each time I start talking to you again….

The truth is…

I still feel the pain and the hate every time I see their names or hear anything about them.

Crazy how a person can affect your life, even though they don’t mean anything to you. Even when you don’t know them at all, except a lil picture on a website, all those stories did affect you in some moment.

And I still have those feelings, even when I don’t wanna have those negative feelings because of people I haven’t even met. Just because of things which happened let me see them from a specific sight.

Well that’s the cold truth right there…

And I wish I could just let go of all those negative feelings….

The reason why..

I act the way I act…

Is because I know that if i keep on doing what I used to do.

It’s gonna hurt you more whenever a situations comes, when I aint there at all.

It’s gonna disappoint you more in the future, than it does now.

I know it’s hard seeing me that way…

But I have to, & trust me, sometimes I do wanna be the whole time there and be able to listen to all your problems.

I promised I will be there… & thats a promise which im gonna keep.

& how you told me that I know the human soul & mind …

I know what I’m doing.. even though it seems to be unfair….

I’m Sorry……

That’s what he told me….

“im still fragile and i hav admited it to you thts why everytime i feel week i come screaming of running to u wit my tail between my legs and i am scared that this is a road that wit out guidance i will do wht i always do and just give up on half the way. im human.unfortunatly.. i get scared 2 ….and now is one of those times, i see u strong as ever…not needing me at all, and it makes me proud. but at the same time in every stride i wanna support u in, the situation in which i am just bites into me.

i dnt feel jelouse of the guys dont get me wrong, i knw u feel somethhing for me on a different level. i am jelouse of the ammount of attention, and that is what also put me in this state that i feel that u r right

i will destroy myself but tht dsnt mean i cant wait

i will wait in a way i wont destroy myself and that is stayiing away from u  and holding in my memory wht u as a person are

in the future if u do come back, even tho i might b ur second choice, ima b here… in love everyday more… and you are going to hear it in every song

i aint going back to no negative thinker and not appreaciating u

i aint going back to been a dead men walking

i aint goingback to suffering, and not enjoying my days

i am moving fowards and this is my final step i am moving foward with u, wit our wit out u. (hope u understood that) and i am taking wht u taught me what u gave me and every memory to build and empire, and teach life.

 loving u everyday more. “